In the Beginning

Spring 2015:

Dave- “We need to talk. Something happened, and I don’t want to tell you, but I think I have to." If you ever want your spouse to instantly think of every bad thing you could have ever done, start out a conversation like this….

“I had a dream,” This may not seem weird to you, but Dave rarely remembers dreams… like maybe three our whole marriage. Me, I can still tell you every detail about my trip to Japan from when I was six… (I’ve never been to Japan, but I sleep travel, you should try it, it’s cheap!) “I dreamed I was holding this child, and I don’t remember what they looked like, but we were talking and they kept saying things like, Why can’t I stay with you’, When can I be in your family’. “ At this time, Kjersti was around 3 or 4, we had already decided we were done having kids, I was in the middle of cosmetology school, and we were living in our three-bedroom townhome. I knew it was more than just a dream, so we talked about options, do we have another baby? Adopt? Foster care? We prayed for several weeks and when we prayed about adopting a child from foster care, we finally felt like we had the right answer. I started doing research, I called and talked to someone at Utah Foster Care and got more information. There are certain logistical requirements mandated by the state, and we literally didn’t have room in our home. We knew it would be a long process and we didn’t really know how or when we would make this happen, but it stayed in the back of our minds and at the top of my heart for several years. Fast forward to the spring of 2017: There was a mass exodus happening in our neighborhood, I think 8 families had sold their homes and were moving. We had been thinking about selling but so much work needed to be done on the house that it was daunting. Out of the blue, a friend called me and asked if I knew anyone that still had their house listed. I told her as far as I knew everyone had already sold, but we had been thinking about it. She told me her realtor had a cash buyer from out of state that wanted to purchase something in our neighborhood, could she call me? She called me Saturday, I explained we hadn’t listed because a lot needed to be done but we were willing to negotiate the price if we could sell as is. We set up an appointment for the following Monday, they made an offer Wednesday, we signed papers Friday, and had to be out three weeks later. As we were searching for a new home, I told Dave that we needed to find something with enough room for some extra people “It’s go time.” It was crazy looking for a house, everything was moving so quickly, we’d see something online, and by the time our realtor made a call, it would be under contract. We finally found a six-bedroom home three blocks away, from our townhome, same schools, in a different stake but closer geographically to most of the ward we had been in. We managed to make an offer that was accepted, but we weren’t going to be able to finalize it till about a month after we had to be out of our other house. We searched for somewhere we could rent on a month-to-month basis but had no luck. We finally made a deal with my cousin to camp out in their camp trailer in their driveway for a month. It was an interesting experience and I’m so grateful for them and their generosity. I know they say ’less is more’, but the tiny house revolution is not for me. We moved into our new home in June. It had everything we were looking for. I was working at a salon here in town and had been thinking about going back to get my instructor’s license. I had talked to the director at the school I had gone to but wasn’t sure about the time commitment and paying for the extra hours. One day the director sent me a message and said, “I know you have been thinking about this, I have an idea, come in and talk to me.” I went and met with her, and she offered to hire me as a student instructor so I could get paid and work-study my license hours, if I would commit to work for a year. Not only did I not have to pay the tuition, but I was able to get paid for my time. It was a longer commitment than I was expecting but my kids were in school full time and I was able to work while they were at school. At this point, we still had not made any progress towards foster care, but shortly after becoming an instructor we had a student start at the Cosmetology School, I'll refer to him as B. He was in foster care. We had a few different talks about his experiences, and I shared that it was something we wanted to do in the future. One day he came in and asked to talk to me. The family he had been staying with was moving and he had to move out. He was a month away from turning 18, and three months away from High School graduation. If he couldn’t find somewhere to stay, he was going to have to go to a group center. “Were you serious about doing foster care? Could I live with you?” Have you ever had a ‘Holy Crap!’ moment? (excuse my language) This was mine. I told him I needed to talk to Dave, and I had no idea what we would need to do, also, Dave was planning to leave in two weeks for work and was going to be gone for six weeks. I told him to have his caseworker call, which he did that afternoon, we went and met with him that day. Because we already knew B, we were counted as a kinship family, so the process was a little different. We had to both do a background check, but if that cleared, he could move in and we could complete our licensing within the next six months. It basically put us on a fast track. We were able to get everything done for the background checks before Dave left. We found out a couple weeks after he was gone that everything had cleared, and B could move in. We made it through graduation, and he stayed with us through the summer and part of the fall. He moved out on his own in October of that year. We had to update our kinship license to a regular foster care license, which was completed in November last year. As I was preparing for Christmas last year, I had several impressions that we were going to have kids placed with us before Christmas. I went into a flurry of activity, trying to make sure things were ready at home, and I had a plan in place in case we needed to do last minute gifts for kids that came. My mom was amazing and helped me with everything. But no one came… We didn’t even hear from anyone at all until February when the resource caseworker finally called to check in. She made a visit and we talked about some possible respite options; she would call us... She never called… In March I went to a cluster group meeting, where foster parents meet for activities or trainings. As I walked in this lady saw me and said “Hey, I know you! How do I know you?” We finally figured out they (the H’s) had moved in two houses down right before we moved out of our townhome. I remembered we had talked to them at one point about foster care. Over the course of the meeting they told us they had two kids they were adopting from out of state, and it had been hard because they were having a hard time finding respite. I offered to have the kids over since we didn’t have a placement and we made plans to chat more. A week or two later on a Monday morning Miss H texted to see if we could set something up. We were free Saturday, so I told her the kids could come for the day. A couple hours after her text we got a call from DCFS about an adoptive placement of three kids. They gave us all the info, we both felt very overwhelmed. We told them we’d think about it. We prayed. A lot. We talked to the kid’s caseworker about setting up a time to meet the kids. We prayed... I had no feelings. I have feelings about everything, so this was weird for me. I went to the temple on Wednesday, hoping to get some feelings. As I walked into the dressing room there was a picture of Christ with two little Native American children. The kids they called us about were part Hispanic, part Native American. I thought “Maybe this is a sign, maybe this means we should do it.” But I still had no feelings. I prayed as I waited. I finally realized maybe this lack of feelings is the 'stupor of thought'. So, I prayed about saying no, and as I left the temple I looked at that painting again and had a strong feeling that those kids were going to be taken care of and it wasn’t my responsibility. I called Dave and the caseworker on the way home and told them our decision… Later that day I got another text from the H’s wondering if we could get together for dinner on Thursday so we could meet the kids before they came over Saturday. Dave was working so the kids and I went over. As we were eating, we were swapping stories, they told us about how they had been fostering these kids four years ago off and on, unofficially, before they moved to Oklahoma, where they were removed from home. After failed attempts at reunification the parental rights were terminated, and they began the process of trying to find an adoptive placement. They were unable to find anyone in Oklahoma, so they reached out to the kids biological Uncle in Salt Lake and he got in touch with this couple to see if they would be willing to adopt the kids. So, the three kids came back to Utah. They started having some pretty serious problems with the oldest sister and she was eventually legally separated and moved to a different Foster home. Kassiah-8, and Zander-6 were the two still with them. They asked how we got involved in foster care and I told them the story about Dave’s dream and the waiting and about our eventual kinship placement. “We have to tell you something,” She said. “We have had the adoption papers for a couple months and we just can’t sign them. We really feel like these kids aren’t supposed to be ours forever…” All of the feelings happened in that moment... “When I saw you at the meeting, I knew I had to talk to you about these kids…” I’m thinking, these are my kids. “We know we were supposed to get them back to Utah and we know we needed to help them be separated from their sister, but now we feel like our part is done, and we don’t know what to do, we haven’t told anyone anything yet.” All the things I felt like I was missing when we got the phone call about the other kids I could now feel, and I later realized that I HAD to have that experience first so that I would recognize the difference, and not need to question everything I was feeling. I told them how I was feeling, and that I would talk to Dave, but I was already on board. That night when Dave got home, “So I found our kids…” “Uh… what?” “I found our kids, the ones we’ve been waiting for.” “There’s more than one?!" I told him the story. I told him about all my feelings. He wasn’t sure he was having feelings. After two days of asking him if he had any feelings yet I said “What’s it going to take? How are you going to know if its right? How do you receive inspiration?” “Usually through you.” “Great! So we’re good then?” He wasn’t amused… “I don’t know, usually I just know.” I prayed really hard that night that he would be able to know.

The kids came and played on Saturday. Dave was working so he still didn’t get to meet them. When the H’s came to pick up the kids, I told them maybe we’d walk over on Sunday after church real casual like, so Dave could meet them. We walked over on Sunday, when we got there the kids were out playing, so our kids went out to find them. We sat down with the H’s and talked for a bit, they told Dave some more of their side of the story. The boys came in and said hi, and went back outside, and then the girls came in and said hi and went upstairs. We were still talking when I looked at Dave and he had the weirdest look on his face, “What is wrong with you?” I asked, He looked at me and I realized he was crying. (Dave cries less than he dreams, so I didn’t recognize it) “I know her.” He said. “Who?” “I know that girl, I’ve seen her before,” I instantly knew what he meant, “That’s the girl from my dream. I’ve never been able to remember what she looked like but as soon as I saw her, I remembered.” _____ After two months of co-parenting the kids moved in with us at the end of April. We had to foster for six months before we could finalize the adoption, which happened on November 18, 2019.

There are so many more tiny details that have fallen into our lives to help us on this journey, but here we are at four pages, and if you’re still with me you need a gold star… I have seen the hand of the Lord in our lives. It has not been easy. I’m not sure we will ever get to easy, but I know that Jesus Christ is in this with us. I know he is aware of us and our needs. He has placed amazing friends and family in our lives to help and support us. He has held me, uplifted me, strengthened me, and comforted me. I know he loves me, and my family, and I know he loves you and yours. So, I did end up getting kids for Christmas, I was just off by a year.

______ As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it was important to have our new kids sealed to us in the Temple. Because Kassiah was 9, she was considered a convert and had to be baptized before we could go to the temple. This wasn't a process I wanted to rush for her, but felt this overwhelming urge that we needed to get to the temple quickly. We were able to have the Sister Missionaries in our home for the lessons, and Kassiah was baptized on December 21st, after which we were able to take the kids to the Logan Temple on December 27, 2019 to be sealed to us.

In the spring of 2020, the world stopped. The temples closed. Had we hesitated, if I hadn't listened, we would have had to wait so much longer to go through the temple with them. I didn't see it till months later, but that was another miracle in this whole experience that I am so grateful for. God is in the details.

*Edited from the Adoption announcement I sent with our Christmas Card, 2019-

One more thing... From Sister Gale, one of the Missionaries who taught Kassiah-

When I first got to the MTC, I was really sad and homesick. A few days after I got to the MTC, I was in an interview with a member of my bishopric. I told him about the feelings I was experiencing. He said to close my eyes and tell him what was going to guide my mission. What would motivate me and help me to push forward when my mission got hard? I closed my eyes and saw a family of 7. They were dressed in white and they were smiling. I opened my eyes and said, "There is a family who needs me and I'm going to help them."

In the weeks following, I forgot about that experience. It didn't come back into my head until the evening of Friday, December 6, 2019 when I was writing in my journal about my experience meeting the Kerr family. I felt the Spirit whisper to me "That's the family. You have found the family" and the memory of my vision popped back into my mind. I realized that it was the Kerr family that I saw in my vision in the MTC.

My vision was officially fulfilled on Friday, December 27, 2019 when I witnessed the sealing of Kassiah and Zander to Chelsea and David Kerr. I saw a family of 7, all dressed in white and all had big smiles on their faces.

Here's the timeline of what happened. Kassiah started coming to church in April of 2019, which is when I got to Washington Terrace (the area I was in right before Hyrum). I was there until the end of November, which is when Kassiah was officially adopted by the Kerr family.

Thank you so much Kerr family. Thank you for being my miracle and the motivation of my mission. Y'all are the best.