Burn the Ships!

ALBERT BIERSTADT, THE BURNING SHIP, CA. 1871.

In 1519, Hernán Cortés arrived in the “New World,” now Mexico, intending to conquer the Aztecs. His soldiers were tired from the voyage and did not want to fight. "Burn the Ships!" Cortés ordered. He and his soldiers were left with one option. Stay and fight, there's no turning back.

Five months into our adoption journey, things were hard. We were already realizing there were more challenges than we had planned. We were in a constant battle for emotional survival.

One day as we were sitting in the midst of our struggle, both of us just lost in our own thoughts and questions, wondering if we had made the right choice, wondering if it was too late to turn back. Wondering if it was worth it...

I turned on some music and a song randomly played, "Burn the Ships" by For King and Country,

How did we get here? All cast away on a lonely shore I can see in your eyes, dear It's hard to take for a moment more

These words really hit me, but it wasn't until several weeks later that I was chatting with my aunt, and she also mentioned this song. I looked it up and watched a video from the band about the song and what it meant. They talked about Hernán Cortés and his order to burn the ships, to fight or die. I knew we were at a critical turning point as a family, and we had to make a decision and commit together.

I set aside some time for our bio family members to go up the canyon by our home. We took a drive and found a nice shady spot by a giant tree. We made a campfire, and I played this song for my family. We talked about its meaning and the huge commitment it would take to continue with the adoption. I had printed out an outline of a ship and asked them to write down everything they felt like they were going to miss out on, or what might change if we went through with it.

I remember thinking things like, 'kids who aren't fighting', and 'peaceful road trips', but then I realized, the bio kids fought before.. and I remembered several solemn vows to never, ever, take the kids anywhere in the car ever again. I started to realize that there wasn't this magical perfect life were were going to be missing out on.

After everyone had written on their ships, I asked each member if they felt like they could make a commitment to these new kids. To love, to forgive, to include them in our family. Everyone agreed.

We threw our ships into the fire and watched them burn.

We've got to Burn the ships, cut the ties Send a flare into the night Say a prayer, turn the tide Dry your tears and wave goodbye

We created a new ship and wrote down everything we might gain through this experience. Everyone shared ideas, our list grew. Soon our ship was full, with more to gain than anything we felt like we were losing.

Step into a new day We can rise up from the dust and walk away We can dance upon the heartache, yeah So light a match, leave the past, burn the ships And don't you look back

We went and picked up the new kids and drove back to the tree. We asked them if they would also commit to being part of our family. They also agreed.

We signed the adoption papers there in the woods.

I would be lying if I said we never think about 'what might have been,' we're human. It comes up from time to time. But that commitment we made under that tree keeps us going. When we get frustrated and discouraged and are still wondering, "Is it worth it?"

We think of those burning ships... and keep fighting.

Listen to Burn the Ships, by For King and Country

https://youtu.be/pOVrOuKVBuY?si=xnjaGH1VHqRHW7bu